there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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