how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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