I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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