he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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