I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
