We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
