I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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