Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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