It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
