My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
