If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize