You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my being single is dangerous.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
