I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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