Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize