I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
