but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
