just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
