***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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