actually, I'm a sock model
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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