Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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