I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
