i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
