i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
