im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
