Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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