Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
