Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
