I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
