i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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