I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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