trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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