Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
