If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And then he peed in my hair
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