Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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