I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
