Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
