Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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