He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
