GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
