oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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