so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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