Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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