billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize