Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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