im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
