Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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