genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
