He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
