Got a toothbrush?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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