did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize