I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
