Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
