I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
