I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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