Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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