This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
