Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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