You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
