I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
