just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
