I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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