Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
